The difference that we search for that person
between like and love…
Do we like, then grow to love?
or do we fall in love and turn to like every single thing about that person?
After realizing such dilemma, we seek for the other person in us as if there is an instant split personality and ask that question, “do i love or do I just like him/her?”
It was that one time, when I sat behind Dad and saw him doing something uncool for my taste, and I said to myself that I despised what he did and I preferred one of my girlfriends’ father but I could not think to myself that I love that father. In actual fact, I still love my father. Very much. There could be things that he could do to make me reverse my statement, but for now, I try my best to discover what I am truly attached to and what not. In this time, I figured that if I, Teoh Pei Kheng, would say I love someone, that will mean I could do anything unconditionally for that person for a better good. I shall not expect a return. And that would mean whatever that I may do for that person I love is genuinely good. It may end with a reckless consequence for all I know but it will be “Okay. I will do this because I want to do this for you, for I love you.”
Nevertheless, I turned and thought, “but hey, I like my girlfriend’s dad.” I like a lot of people and I like a lot of things. Apparently when I like someone, I like hanging out with that person. I feel comfortable just being with that person I like. Then I thought of a simple scenario when girlfriend’s dad would to ask me just for a couple of thousand dollars. It is just money. I could give them away, I thought. But the other part of me reminds me that I should expect something from him in the future. That is conditional, is that not?
Knowing that you love someone is a beautiful discovery. It is a refreshing beauty that keeps you alive. The longing for that love from that person makes part of the living day extra meaningful.
He is apparently my love. “My” who does not belong to me. Not anymore. I once had a perfect catch but let go because I was feeding my own selfishness. It was pathetic. Nevertheless, I grew to appreciate that there was him part of my life once, and there will always be him a part of me. He is not old flame, for flame can be put off by elements of water and wind. He is a scar tissue. A painful sight when the thought of not being with him sets in. A permanence in my life that I can never learn to let go.